In reading one post on LinkedIn, I had an aha moment. First, I apologize; I noted neither the name of the author nor his post reference. It was a post in French explaining the etymology of the verb “convaincre” or to convince in English.
This verb, I am not using anymore. In searching convince on the website “etymonline.com”, you can read the following: 1520s, « to overcome in argument, » from Latin convincere « to overcome decisively, » from assimilated form of com-, here perhaps an intensive prefix (see com-), + vincere « to conquer » (see vincible). The meaning « to firmly persuade or satisfy by argument or evidence » is from c. 1600.
If you look up the Latin definition of vincere, you will see that it means that the person you are convincing is losing something. There is no balance in the act of convincing.
While you might choose to convince others as a way to exert influence, this approach demands considerable caution. The drive to convince can blind us to genuine understanding, making us listen solely to formulate rebuttals and reinforce our own viewpoints. I’m all too familiar with this pitfall; I’ve fallen into it myself, perhaps more often than I should have.
I have a lot of energy, I also have opinions, and I have a tendency to be a fast thinker. During all my career, one of the pieces of advice I heard was: Pause and let people digest. Stop adding arguments to convince, we just need time to comprehend. In fact, I was willing to prove to be right, and I was willing to convince. And, at the end of the conversation, when I was told that I had convinced them, it was a reward for me.
When you are doing it as an expert in your field, it could be one way to influence. You are the one having the most profound knowledge of the matter in the room. And you shared it to gain people aligned with your analysis and recommendation.
When you are a manager, you are here to uplift your employees, and you are here to make them self-reliant.
As part of my transformational journey, I explore the conscious leadership approach. In the book I am referring to in this article, the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, a clear notion is made on the fact that we are conscious or not.
When you are conscious, you explain the context. You are interested in the fact that you are sharing. You listen attentively to others. Therefore, we build together a common ground of the context, the problem, or the solution. This co-construction is fundamental in the approach. There is no winner or loser, no one abandons something.
When you are not conscious, you are looking for a reason why things are the way they are; you need an explanation. Someone is guilty, and thus, we have a hero, victim, or villain. This quest for the truth, or what you think is the truth, hides from you the context, the global view of the situation.
In this quest, if you have already made up your mind, you need to convince to demonstrate that you are right. In fact, being right is now the big motivator of your discussion, when it should be to have a common shared understanding. By doing so, you are listening to answer. You are willing to prove to be right. Your ability to read the emotions of your employees is weakening. And in some intense situations, you will spend time depensing energy, frustrating your employees to at the end get them stating that they agree. You will have truly overcome the thinking of these persons. A high level of effort from your side and probably a lousy feeling for your employees. And thus, a reduction of their engagement. It is neither the best way to uplift your employees nor the best use of your energy.
As a leader, to become the manager your employees deserve, do not try to convince people. Share with them the context, listen carefully to their question and proposals, and develop this common comprehension. It is much more engaging for them, and they will be willing to contribute more openly, bringing more value to the company. Doing so, you will boost their confidence, they will openly engage, and you will maximize their contribution in building better comprehension of context and situation and designing better solutions.
Share, listen, and synthesize the outcome and ensure that everyone is on a common ground. At the end of the discussion, your employees may not be aligned with the decision, but because they understand the context and the rationale, they will better accept this decision and be able to move forward with you.
Do not convince; listen and share the context to define the best solution.
Question: How do you make decisions with your team?
Reading: the 15 commitments to conscious leadership
🛠️ Three simple actions to cultivate collective intelligence in a team
Replace “convince” with “understand”
Before responding, restate what you heard to confirm understanding.
Ask an open question rather than offering an argument.
Look for the intention behind the opinion, not the flaw in the reasoning.
Share the context rather than the conclusion
Explain what you see, what you know, and what you don’t know.
Provide factual elements without steering the solution.
Let the team propose options before you do.
Encourage healthy disagreement
Ask: “What am I not seeing?” or “Who sees it differently?”
Publicly value those who dare to challenge.
Remind everyone that divergence is a tool, not a threat.
👉 These three simple actions strengthen your leadership posture and unlock your potential.