The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness – by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
As an engineer, I must admit that this book wouldn’t have been my first choice. However, I believe it’s important to step outside our comfort zones and explore diverse perspectives. In the coming months, I will share other must-to-read books that are more engineering-oriented and closer to what an engineer may be willing to read. While it might seem like a stereotype, as engineers, we are looking for tools, processes, and methods that we can implement. Our scholarship is designed to develop our logical thinking and mathematical and physical approaches. When fortunate, we experienced an introduction to philosophy and a mandatory course on management. However, none of this is directly related to a manager’s job. This type of reading is ideal for the technical aspects of a manager’s role. However, being a manager goes beyond just being an expert in project management, problem-solving, and process performance evaluation.
The role of a manager is infinitely more complex. It requires understanding others, guiding them, and supporting them in their own development. And to do that, you must first understand yourself. This inner journey is essential to becoming the manager your team deserves. That’s precisely where this book becomes a valuable tool: it doesn’t give you a method, but a way of thinking—an inner posture that transforms your relationship with others and with yourself.
This book is full of life lessons. The best way to absorb them is to read it, then read it again every two years. Over time, certain ideas will resonate differently, more deeply, because you will have grown. Here are a few teachings that particularly resonated with me.
Relationship
One of the first questions the book asks is: What kind of relationships do you want to develop? Vertical or horizontal?
Vertical relationships are those between the expert and the learner, the parent and the child, the manager who knows and the employee who executes. ‘I know, I tell you, you apply.’ This is the kind of relationship I experienced for most of my career—roles where it takes years to acquire the expertise needed to make complex decisions. It’s also during that period that I learned to engage in deep, committed technical debates to determine the best options. And what was once your strength as an expert becomes your weakness as a manager, because this vertical relationship offers a comfortable but limited posture.
I began practicing horizontal relationships when I started managing teams in disciplines where I had no expertise. That’s when I learned what I call the art of asking questions. Horizontal relationships rely on active listening, curiosity, sharing context, and co‑construction. Together, you look at a situation from different angles, and it’s this approach that unlocks the full potential of collective intelligence. For a manager, it represents a fundamental shift in posture.
Self-reliance
The book also emphasizes self-reliance, not only that of your employees, but also that of your colleagues, your loved ones, and your children. The central idea is simple: our role is not to prepare the path for others, but to prepare others for the path. This nuance changes everything. It forces us to let go of control, to accept imperfection, and to trust in the ability of others to grow.
You’ll find a full exploration of this theme in the article: Do not delegate!
What defines you?
Another powerful lesson concerns our relationship with the past. We have all lived through difficult moments, wounds, injustices. But these scars do not define us. What defines us is who we decide to become. You may have been laid off, mistreated, unfairly criticized. I explore all of these themes in the series of articles on career transition.
These events are not your identity. Only you can decide not to be the victim of your past. Every day can be a new beginning, one more step toward the person you choose to be. For me, this is the book’s strongest lesson, and as a manager, you can carry this message and help your employees move forward despite their own scars.
Appreciation ?
Do not try to be appreciated by everyone. To be appreciated, we tend to comply with what this person expects from us. However, if you want to do this for everyone, it is impossible because everyone will have different expectations of you. Thus, we cannot comply with all these contradicting views. The only way is to be the person you are, be authentic, and be yourself.
This book is more than easy to read. It is a discussion between a philosopher and a youth, making the Adler concepts accessible to everyone. It has been, for me, one of my transformational books, accelerating my growth to become a better manager.
🛠️ Three simple actions to transform your approach
Consciously shift from a vertical posture to a horizontal one
Choose one meeting this week where you will intentionally hold yourself back from bringing “the answer.”
Instead, practice the art of asking questions:
What do you see that I don’t see?
What options are you considering?
What seems most risky to you?
You’ll notice the difference immediately: the team thinks, engages, contributes.
This is the first step toward collective intelligence.
Create space for autonomy, even if it’s imperfect
Identify a task you’re still controlling too tightly.
Hand it off to a team member by explaining the context, not the method.
Accept that the result won’t be exactly how you would have done it.
The goal isn’t perfection — it’s growth.
Practice authenticity instead of trying to please
During your next difficult interaction, replace the question:
“What does he want me to say?”
with
“What is true, fair, and aligned for me?”
You’ll be surprised by how much clarity and consistency generate more respect than compliance.
👉 These three simple actions strengthen your leadership posture and unlock your potential.